2 weeks old (Kind of miss this tiny helpless guy)
Today (but am so proud he has turned into this)
I've been having a hard time lately. It could be the weather. It could be that Isaac has been extra needy. It could be a combination of a bunch of things but the past couple weeks has just been hard. I've felt trapped. I've felt discouraged. I've just felt down. And I've put that out there on facebook and talking to people because I feel like honesty is important. I feel like when we share our struggles it helps others who may be in a similar situation feel less alone. That is one reason why I share even the negative things and feelings I am going through. Sadly, I feel disapproval from others because of what i share. Today on facebook someone commented on my status that I should "count my blessings" and went on to tell me how her life is more difficult than mine. I think my mom put it best when I told her and she said "unfriend". I count my blessings often and I have many. However, while counting blessings I can still acknowledge that I have struggles.
As women, we have so much pressure on us to be perfect to do everything and to do it well. To never have a bad day and to be a perfect roll model at all times. I'm sorry it's just not possible. We shouldn't be adding more pressure by acting like we've got it mastered and we never have a struggle. In the lesson that David taught this past Sunday there was a quote that says "[Motherhood] is next to Godhood, and therefore it takes a lifetime to become a good [mother]." And sadly, as much as we'd all like to be perfect parents or just perfect people right now it's not going to happen. We should keep trying to be a little better everyday but let's be honest with ourselves and others and acknowledged that we're not there yet.
I'm not there yet and I'm not going to hide that fact. Please don't judge me for keeping it real. I'm working on being a better mom and having a better attitude when the ride is bumpy. But I'm not going to lie and say that things are going great because the fact is this motherhood thing is rough. And I've been assured that Isaac is not the easiest baby (suspicions confirmed:) and I'm having a hard time aligning my expectations of motherhood with the reality of it. I'll get there but it might take my whole life. So please be patient with me and encourage me, really it does help. However, if the reality of what I'm feeling is too much for you please keep it to yourself. Chastising me only helps me feel even more like I'm failing than I do already.
6 comments:
You're not going to get chastisement from me. :) I think it takes a LOT of courage to come out and say you're having a rough day. There are way too many people, and especially women, who try to paint the picture way too rosy. Let's face it, though, sometimes the day to day stuff is kinda sucky. And at the same time, the week or month will go by and you'll look back and see only the good. There's a reason that the short term memory is only that, short term.
So take this comment for what it is, a congratulatory hug for admitting what a lot of us don't have the courage to admit: Life with a hard infant is sometimes miserable. (Sometimes?) But it's also really, REALLY rewarding, because when a difficult baby smiles or giggles, you know you really earned it.
And if you find yourself saying, "Isaac is a really crabby kid" it's okay, you're NOT being disloyal. Those of us who love you both know that you still adore him, you just needed to vent. And venting doesn't mean that you're forgetting to "count your blessings." What a stupid phrase to use with a woman who is frustrated and needs a friendly hug or reminder that she is dealing with a difficult baby!! Who in their right mind would kick someone when they're down by slapping them with THAT little gem??
:::sigh:::
Love you, honey!
Susie
I know I don't know you very well, but I can so relate! On my blog, I write a lot about the struggles I've had living in a foreign country, being pregnant with #3 when I really didn't want to be, not having a car, etc etc. It's really freeing to talk/write about how you are truly feeling and I actually usually feel better myself after I just get it out there. It doesn't mean that every second I'm in a black hole of misery, but life can be tough! That's a fact! But people get upset sometimes by what I write or sometimes they'll do like what you described, "Well, it's much better than when I _____" or "You should make people jealous that you live there" etc.
I've actually found blogging about my true feelings (especially when I'm having a hard time) actually makes me feel better. I've come to terms with the fact that I struggle sometimes, but I feel like it's normal and I'm totally fine with that. Putting it out in the open (sort of because my blog is private) has actually helped me accept that better and give myself a break. I'm no longer ashamed that sometimes I feel fed up with being a mom or wish I wasn't pregnant right now.
I can also remember the difficulties I had adjusting to motherhood and when I read your FB posts, I really relate. I loved my baby (and he was actually a much easier baby than yours, but still hard for ME!), but being a mom 24-7 is hard. It's a big adjustment! I thought I was old and a hard worker and totally ready, but the reality of it is HARD! It gets better as your child grows, but I think it's partially because you get used to the major lifestyle change. I actually remember that one of my old colleagues told me she was "SO excited" for when my baby came and that it was just amazing and wonderful. I remember after the first week or so feeling like, "Oh my gosh, she lied to me! This isn't wonderful at all!" I once asked my SIL (who had her first baby a few weeks after me) if she ever disliked being a mom and she kind of thought I was crazy.
It's definitely a weird balance though isn't it because you love your baby and they do things that make you smile and laugh and your heart melt. But then there are times when...well, things aren't so nice! :)
Hang in there and just keep being you!
I feel ya. My dad was abominable when it came to that. If I ever so much as acknowledged that I was tired or frustrated I got a whole lecture on how perfect Thad is and what a lucky mom I was. STFU, right? Saying it's hard is not the same as saying it's not worth it. It is hard, and maybe if more people just said that and felt like they could talk about it motherhood in general would be better, or at least friendlier. I ESPECIALLY hate it when older women are like "I had 6 kids under 7 by the time I was your age, I didn't sleep for 10 years!" I always want to be like... and your insanity is something to brag about? Just because you had a hard time (and by choice made it harder) doesn't mean my hard time is less valid. Whoo. Ok, rant over. You brought back many memories of my old frustrations. Unfriending is totally the key. I so do not need those voices in my life, and they can be offended about it if they want to. I'll just tell them they were offensive first. Hang in there. I have a theory that difficult babies work harder to make it up to you later on. Thad was awful for 6 months and now he's the easiest kid I know. Keep your fingers crossed.
Amen! I so appreciate when people can openly acknowledge when they are having a hard time. Isaac sounds so much like my Brady and it does give me a sense that I am not alone and not the only one with a tricky baby when I see your posts. Too many blogs only highlight the picture perfect moments. I love your blog. And it sounds like you are handling motherhood just as you should. I love the way you put it, "We should keep trying to be a little better everyday but let's be honest with ourselves and others and acknowledge that we're not there yet." Focus on progress NOT perfection. Keep being real! And keep those adorable pictures of Isaac coming. He really is so, so cute. :)
Oh, and David's not knowing how to stop recording his HILARIOUS!!! Michael does the same thing... teehee.
I totally can relate. Being a mom is hard work, and especially with a little babe, and in the winter. Hang in there. You are not alone, and you're doing a great job!!
When I'm having a tough time (so usually weekly :)) I like Elder Anderson's past conference talk "Children." Esp this part: Having young children is not easy. Many days are just difficult. A young mother got on a bus with seven children. The bus driver asked, “Are these all yours, lady? Or is it a picnic?”
“They’re all mine,” she replied. “And it’s no picnic!”
And this talk from Elder Holland, "Because She is A Mother."
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