Recent crafy endeavors...

Habitat challenge table runner which is reversable.

A baby blanket for a friend which is also reversable.

If anyone reads my blog for my crafty stuff and i highly doubt anyone does i'm sorry i don't have time to do better posts about my projects. someday that may become a priority but not today. :)

Keeping it real

2 weeks old (Kind of miss this tiny helpless guy)

Today (but am so proud he has turned into this)

I've been having a hard time lately. It could be the weather. It could be that Isaac has been extra needy. It could be a combination of a bunch of things but the past couple weeks has just been hard. I've felt trapped. I've felt discouraged. I've just felt down. And I've put that out there on facebook and talking to people because I feel like honesty is important. I feel like when we share our struggles it helps others who may be in a similar situation feel less alone. That is one reason why I share even the negative things and feelings I am going through. Sadly, I feel disapproval from others because of what i share. Today on facebook someone commented on my status that I should "count my blessings" and went on to tell me how her life is more difficult than mine. I think my mom put it best when I told her and she said "unfriend". I count my blessings often and I have many. However, while counting blessings I can still acknowledge that I have struggles.

As women, we have so much pressure on us to be perfect to do everything and to do it well. To never have a bad day and to be a perfect roll model at all times. I'm sorry it's just not possible. We shouldn't be adding more pressure by acting like we've got it mastered and we never have a struggle. In the lesson that David taught this past Sunday there was a quote that says "[Motherhood] is next to Godhood, and therefore it takes a lifetime to become a good [mother]." And sadly, as much as we'd all like to be perfect parents or just perfect people right now it's not going to happen. We should keep trying to be a little better everyday but let's be honest with ourselves and others and acknowledged that we're not there yet.

I'm not there yet and I'm not going to hide that fact. Please don't judge me for keeping it real. I'm working on being a better mom and having a better attitude when the ride is bumpy. But I'm not going to lie and say that things are going great because the fact is this motherhood thing is rough. And I've been assured that Isaac is not the easiest baby (suspicions confirmed:) and I'm having a hard time aligning my expectations of motherhood with the reality of it. I'll get there but it might take my whole life. So please be patient with me and encourage me, really it does help. However, if the reality of what I'm feeling is too much for you please keep it to yourself. Chastising me only helps me feel even more like I'm failing than I do already.

i love isaac for...

i feel like lately all i've been doing is complaining about isaac. and honestly he is a difficult little guy buti also love him. and i thought i'd tell you why. the way his face lights up when he smiles, it scrunches up and looks just like a ball of cute chub. the way he kicks his feet in excitement when he eats something he loves. the way he sings with us when we're singing him to sleep. the way he thrashes with excitement when he sees me in the morning or after a nap. the way he starts chewing on his hands right before he starts laughing at something. the way he burrows into my shoulder when he's being bashful. how he's starting to notice and love ray ray. the excitement he shows when david gets home from work. the way he is discovering everything from his feet to shadows. that he's beginning to learn his name and turns his head sometimes when we say it. how he smiles at grandma and grandpa on skype. how he puts his all into everything he does. how he's mine. so despite my complaints that make it sound like i don't want to be a mom anymore (which is true somedays) i love my isaac and i wouldn't trade him!

Thanksgiving

I'm most thankful for these two guys! They are just the best. They make me smile every day. David is the best husband i could ask for.

And I'm thankful for this healthy little guy. He's 5 months old today. He makes me smile and laugh every day. I do just about anything to make him giggle. Those laughs are just the best things in the world! He is getting super animated and is learning and growing so much. I'm very thankful that I'm his mother. He is helping me grow into a better person.

Just a few days ago he rolled over for the first time and then a few minutes later he did it again and now he hasn't done it since. Oh well. He would much rather try to crawl than roll. He can get his little knees under his body and his body a couple inches off the ground but he's just not strong enough yet. I'm sure once he is I won't be able to keep up with him.

He has started to notice everything. He watches ray ray. He loves David. He knows the sound of the garage door means that David is home from work. He won't take a nap around when David gets home and if David returns and doesn't go right to see Isaac then Isaac will start throwing a fit. He's quite and opinionated little guy. He has gotten very good at eating and loves solid foods.

Likes:

Baths

Being tickled, his knees and armpits are the best spots

Daddy

Ray Ray

Trying to crawl

Listening to me sing

Dislikes:

Not being able to do what he wants to do

Being left alone

Strangers; sadly stranger danger has kicked in. I mean it's good but now he won't let anyone hold him at church.

Committed

This past Sunday I was sitting in church looking around at the other babies in the room. A baby a few weeks younger than Isaac was playing happily and quietly. Another a week older than Isaac was doing the same. Another baby a couple months younger than Isaac was sleeping and startled herself then settled effortlessly back to sleep in her mom's arms. I couldn't help but be a bit jealous for a few moments. I thought "why is my baby the only one who can't be quiet in church, take an effortless nap or play peacefully so I can listen to a lesson rather than walking the halls?" After wallowing for a moment in the "whys" and "what ifs" I looked over at my sweet, wonderful little boy and wished for no one but him.

Later that night, as David and I were laying in bed talking, I told him about that moment in church. He made the statement that Isaac commits 110% to whatever he does. When he hates something he really hates it. That means that when he is cranky he's super cranky, when he's playing he's into it completely and doesn't care that he's being loud. On the other hand, when he loves something he really loves it. When he is happy he is over the moon. He squeals and giggles and smiles so big it takes over his whole face. He wants everyone around him to know and feel what he feels. And that infectiousness makes him who he is. He is not mediocre about anything.

Although Isaac is not an easy baby I wouldn't trade him for any other baby no matter how easy they may be. Isaac wouldn't be who he is if he wasn't as animated and committed to life as he is. He wouldn't be the little boy I've grown to love more than anything. I have the sweetest little boy and I wouldn't change a thing about him for anything.

I was so glad that David told me that. It hasn't necessarily made Isaac an easier baby but it has changed how I view his actions and reactions. It has made it just a little easier to deal with his intense emotions. It has helped me understand and know him more and the more I know him the more I love him. I have an amazing boy! Although his temperament is difficult for me now I think it will help him have the persistence to do what he decides to do and be what he wants to be no matter what it is. Hopefully he will make good decisions and choose good goals to attain and become an even more amazing person than he already is.

Yesterday I read this talk from General Conference and it just helped me recommit to be a fantastic mom. Favorite quote from it is the first line that says, "As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life." How true and how profound! I'm raising not only my child but a child of God. He's trusted me to raise this little boy, to know him and help him be the best he can be. I'll do my best.

Food, Ninja, and the big 30

Yum my applesauce hands taste so yummy to suck on.

He loves the applesauce.

Rice cereal is OK. But applesauce is better.

And the little ninja. We went trick or treating at daddy's work and we're planning on going to a couple of our neighbor's houses tomorrow night. We also hit up the Ward Trunk or treat. Pretty awesome first Halloween.

And David is now 30. Happy birthday! As of last Wednesday.

That's a lot of candles. :)

4 months

Yep that's right he's 4 months old today. For some reason it's just hit me today that Isaac is getting so old and big. I know it has been a gradual thing but i guess I've always thought of birth to 3 months as being a little baby and starting at 4 months babies aren't so little and new anymore. The thought is exciting and sad at the same time.

Isaac is now 15 pounds and 26 inches. He's growing well and learning to do so much more. He really is starting to be a big boy.

Likes:

Baths
Giggling when i kiss his belly
Spitting
Talking
Reading books
Listening to me sing to him
Grabbing anything and everything and then eating it
Kicking
Mirrors
His emperor chair
Watching Ray Ray
Standing

Dislikes:

Letting go of his rings for nap time.
I can't really think of many others. He still gets cranky but it's just because he gets sick of something not because he hates any particular thing anymore.

Basically he's just growing up. He still hasn't rolled over but i think he's starting to get close. We're debating starting him on some solid foods. On one hand i want to but on the other I think that doing so will make him grow up even faster. (can you tell I'm sentimental much lately?) I'm sure in the next few weeks we'll introduce some solids to him.

He's sleeping really well at night still. Some nights he sleeps through the night and others he doesn't but at most he wakes once so it's not bad. We still have nap difficulties but I've learned to deal with it and I know that he will start staying awake longer so naps will not happen as often.

I've decided that he doesn't look decidedly like me anymore. He's just him now. David thinks that he looks a bit like baby pictures of Jason (David's brother.) I can see that. What do you think Susie?

And to sum up my feelings of late here's a poem my MIL sent me today. Feel free to cry, i did.

Babies Don’t Keep
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.