Oh my

I love my toes. They are so tasty.

One of his favorite sounds. This is how he lets me know he's done eating, even when nursing. And this is how he shows his displeasure with whatever is bugging him at the moment. In case you're wondering he does it a lot.

At the moment Isaac is screaming his head off in his room. He has been doing so for 30 minutes now. He'll seem to calm down then just work himself up some more. We are training him to sleep completely unbundled. I've gone back and forth with this decision for the past month. Part of me really wants to because I feel like it's a milestone he needs to get behind him. Part of me just wants to bundle him because he finally has gotten to the point that he goes down easily for naps and bedtime.

As I said I've been vacillating the past few weeks. I'll try a nap unbundled occasionally but when he falls asleep and sleeps for less time than he cries falling asleep I lose my nerve and go with the path of least resistance. Well I've decided to suck it up and endure this excruciating screaming and painfully short naps (literally 15 minutes) because it is time. The past few nights Isaac has been kicking entirely out of his swaddle in the middle of the night. He then wakes up and can't fall back asleep. I have to go in and re-swaddle him and then since I'm there he wants to nurse. He's not really hungry because he only comfort nurses and then he falls back asleep. No big deal right. Wrong. He's out of his bundle again a few hours later and I have to repeat the process all over again. Not the worst thing in the world but since he's been consistently sleeping through the night for months now, not needing to nurse I just feel like he is regressing.

So here I am typing and Isaac is screaming (nearly 40 minutes now). Please sent prayers, happy thoughts my way because this week is going to be horrible! Isaac and I had a conversation about this process this morning. It's going to be a miserable sleep deprived week but it has to happen. It's going to work right? I'm not going to have to be swaddling my son until he goes off to college right? Reassure me please! (finally asleep or quiet after 45 minutes of screaming)

6 months and the holidays

I'm a sitter now.

Christmas Morning

I love wrapping paper! (I guess the books are ok too)

The past couple weeks have been quite a blur and we had so much fun in our Christmas travels that I neglected to blog Isaac's six month mark and his first Christmas so here I am playing catch up.

A couple of days before we left town Isaac came down with his first really bad cold. That actually made the drive go pretty well since he needed the sleep. He was pretty much in a haze for his 6 month mark. We didn't do anything too special. We held him for naps (because he would scream if we didn't) and we just had a low key cuddly day.

He now weighs 17 lbs 6 oz. He's a pretty big guy. He's getting really good at eating solid foods and has moved on from puree to little chunks of food now. While we were in Denver we gave him rice for the first time and he LOVES it. We couldn't get it in his mouth fast enough. I love when he finds a food that he really loves. We gave him hamburger and noodles tonight and he loved that too.

While we were in Denver it seemed like he changed everyday. When we got there he was sitting OK but I had to be behind him because he fell pretty easily. Now he is a pro sitter. He still has the occasional tumble but I can be sitting not right behind him and he does just fine. It was amazing to watch him figure out that he can use his hands to balance himself as he leans to reach something. He also seems to have become a much more content baby than he has been. It must be figuring out the sitting or something that has helped him realize that life isn't that miserable and that he can be happy. I feel like maybe things will get a little better from here on out. I guess time will tell.

While in Denver he also got to be pals with so many Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. It was wonderful to be around family! Thank Melissa for watching him so that we could have a date! And thanks for the awesome massage! Having so much support and friendship made me really, really want to move to Denver. I love our home and ward and David loves his job now but in a few years I could definitely see us in Denver. We had an awesome time!

So 2011 was a pretty crazy year for us with having a baby and a super needy baby at that! It's taken a lot of patience, tears, smiles, and laughs to get to know our little guy and help him feel comfortable. I know that 2012 will bring a whole new world of learning and growing but I'm hoping that things are starting to get a little easier with Isaac. Despite his crankiness and neediness I wouldn't trade the past 6 months with him. I thinks he's a pretty amazing little man and I'm excited to help him learn and grow into a more amazing big man.

Likes:

• 
  
  Baths


• 
  
  Sitting


• 
  
  Being tossed in the air


• 
  
  Dancing


• 
  
  Singing


• 
  
  Family


• 
  
  Books


• 
  
  Ray Ray


• 
  
  Daddy


• 
  
  His new toys (thanks Grandmas!)


• 
  
  Rice


• 
  
  Animal Crackers


• 
  
  Hamburger

Dislikes:

• Not being able to do something he wants to do (aka crawling)


• Sleeping unbundled although we are working on it and he's getting a little better everyday. Hopefully he'll be weaned from the swaddle by the time we go to Michigan at the end of the month!

Recent crafy endeavors...

Habitat challenge table runner which is reversable.

A baby blanket for a friend which is also reversable.

If anyone reads my blog for my crafty stuff and i highly doubt anyone does i'm sorry i don't have time to do better posts about my projects. someday that may become a priority but not today. :)

Keeping it real

2 weeks old (Kind of miss this tiny helpless guy)

Today (but am so proud he has turned into this)

I've been having a hard time lately. It could be the weather. It could be that Isaac has been extra needy. It could be a combination of a bunch of things but the past couple weeks has just been hard. I've felt trapped. I've felt discouraged. I've just felt down. And I've put that out there on facebook and talking to people because I feel like honesty is important. I feel like when we share our struggles it helps others who may be in a similar situation feel less alone. That is one reason why I share even the negative things and feelings I am going through. Sadly, I feel disapproval from others because of what i share. Today on facebook someone commented on my status that I should "count my blessings" and went on to tell me how her life is more difficult than mine. I think my mom put it best when I told her and she said "unfriend". I count my blessings often and I have many. However, while counting blessings I can still acknowledge that I have struggles.

As women, we have so much pressure on us to be perfect to do everything and to do it well. To never have a bad day and to be a perfect roll model at all times. I'm sorry it's just not possible. We shouldn't be adding more pressure by acting like we've got it mastered and we never have a struggle. In the lesson that David taught this past Sunday there was a quote that says "[Motherhood] is next to Godhood, and therefore it takes a lifetime to become a good [mother]." And sadly, as much as we'd all like to be perfect parents or just perfect people right now it's not going to happen. We should keep trying to be a little better everyday but let's be honest with ourselves and others and acknowledged that we're not there yet.

I'm not there yet and I'm not going to hide that fact. Please don't judge me for keeping it real. I'm working on being a better mom and having a better attitude when the ride is bumpy. But I'm not going to lie and say that things are going great because the fact is this motherhood thing is rough. And I've been assured that Isaac is not the easiest baby (suspicions confirmed:) and I'm having a hard time aligning my expectations of motherhood with the reality of it. I'll get there but it might take my whole life. So please be patient with me and encourage me, really it does help. However, if the reality of what I'm feeling is too much for you please keep it to yourself. Chastising me only helps me feel even more like I'm failing than I do already.

i love isaac for...

i feel like lately all i've been doing is complaining about isaac. and honestly he is a difficult little guy buti also love him. and i thought i'd tell you why. the way his face lights up when he smiles, it scrunches up and looks just like a ball of cute chub. the way he kicks his feet in excitement when he eats something he loves. the way he sings with us when we're singing him to sleep. the way he thrashes with excitement when he sees me in the morning or after a nap. the way he starts chewing on his hands right before he starts laughing at something. the way he burrows into my shoulder when he's being bashful. how he's starting to notice and love ray ray. the excitement he shows when david gets home from work. the way he is discovering everything from his feet to shadows. that he's beginning to learn his name and turns his head sometimes when we say it. how he smiles at grandma and grandpa on skype. how he puts his all into everything he does. how he's mine. so despite my complaints that make it sound like i don't want to be a mom anymore (which is true somedays) i love my isaac and i wouldn't trade him!

Thanksgiving

I'm most thankful for these two guys! They are just the best. They make me smile every day. David is the best husband i could ask for.

And I'm thankful for this healthy little guy. He's 5 months old today. He makes me smile and laugh every day. I do just about anything to make him giggle. Those laughs are just the best things in the world! He is getting super animated and is learning and growing so much. I'm very thankful that I'm his mother. He is helping me grow into a better person.

Just a few days ago he rolled over for the first time and then a few minutes later he did it again and now he hasn't done it since. Oh well. He would much rather try to crawl than roll. He can get his little knees under his body and his body a couple inches off the ground but he's just not strong enough yet. I'm sure once he is I won't be able to keep up with him.

He has started to notice everything. He watches ray ray. He loves David. He knows the sound of the garage door means that David is home from work. He won't take a nap around when David gets home and if David returns and doesn't go right to see Isaac then Isaac will start throwing a fit. He's quite and opinionated little guy. He has gotten very good at eating and loves solid foods.

Likes:

Baths

Being tickled, his knees and armpits are the best spots

Daddy

Ray Ray

Trying to crawl

Listening to me sing

Dislikes:

Not being able to do what he wants to do

Being left alone

Strangers; sadly stranger danger has kicked in. I mean it's good but now he won't let anyone hold him at church.

Committed

This past Sunday I was sitting in church looking around at the other babies in the room. A baby a few weeks younger than Isaac was playing happily and quietly. Another a week older than Isaac was doing the same. Another baby a couple months younger than Isaac was sleeping and startled herself then settled effortlessly back to sleep in her mom's arms. I couldn't help but be a bit jealous for a few moments. I thought "why is my baby the only one who can't be quiet in church, take an effortless nap or play peacefully so I can listen to a lesson rather than walking the halls?" After wallowing for a moment in the "whys" and "what ifs" I looked over at my sweet, wonderful little boy and wished for no one but him.

Later that night, as David and I were laying in bed talking, I told him about that moment in church. He made the statement that Isaac commits 110% to whatever he does. When he hates something he really hates it. That means that when he is cranky he's super cranky, when he's playing he's into it completely and doesn't care that he's being loud. On the other hand, when he loves something he really loves it. When he is happy he is over the moon. He squeals and giggles and smiles so big it takes over his whole face. He wants everyone around him to know and feel what he feels. And that infectiousness makes him who he is. He is not mediocre about anything.

Although Isaac is not an easy baby I wouldn't trade him for any other baby no matter how easy they may be. Isaac wouldn't be who he is if he wasn't as animated and committed to life as he is. He wouldn't be the little boy I've grown to love more than anything. I have the sweetest little boy and I wouldn't change a thing about him for anything.

I was so glad that David told me that. It hasn't necessarily made Isaac an easier baby but it has changed how I view his actions and reactions. It has made it just a little easier to deal with his intense emotions. It has helped me understand and know him more and the more I know him the more I love him. I have an amazing boy! Although his temperament is difficult for me now I think it will help him have the persistence to do what he decides to do and be what he wants to be no matter what it is. Hopefully he will make good decisions and choose good goals to attain and become an even more amazing person than he already is.

Yesterday I read this talk from General Conference and it just helped me recommit to be a fantastic mom. Favorite quote from it is the first line that says, "As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life." How true and how profound! I'm raising not only my child but a child of God. He's trusted me to raise this little boy, to know him and help him be the best he can be. I'll do my best.